So I blogged last night and then pressed publish and nothing happened. All my beautiful words that came to me in that moment are now gone. They weren't saved and they weren't posted. So here I am this morning trying to recreate. I was telling of my epiphany of how this is my blog and not every post needs to be lengthy, relevant or even coherent. It took me a long time to come to that little piece of golden wisdom, but I believe I have accepted it as true. 

Most days I feel like this kid in this picture. (It's an old pic of my middle child, btw) I feel like a small child in an adult world, doing adult things. I don't think I am mature enough to make huge decisions, live on my own, and get the garbage out to the alley on time, but I do. I do all of these things and I guess that means I am capable. I am a work in progress and I'm trying to figure things out just like everyone else. One thing I've realized is that writing helps with this process. It keeps me sane, restores balance, and gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Writing makes things real for me. Not having my feelings validated is a huge soul crusher and writing validates all that I know and feel, even if it's just me doing the validating. And so I write. I write to feel whole, I write to fill my soul, I write to feel like I'm leaving a mark and someone will know that I was here. Anyway,,,,, If you're here for the long haul, welcome. If you're here just to take a look and have a peek, that's ok too. The only thing I ask is to keep this space positive. If you have negativity to spread, keep that shit to yourself. However, if you have comments or questions that are genuine, please feel free to leave them. I always enjoy reading them. And I will always reply as soon as I can. Thanks for checking out my musings

It needs more time

I have a post. It's still in my brain. well actually a little of it spilled over onto some paper, but most of it is still in my brain. I'm not quite ready to start writing it on the computer yet. It's a work in progress. I probably shouldn't say anything, because saying so, just makes it sound like it's going to be epic! I don't know that it won't be, but, I wouldn't want to set it up to fail. ;P

It's been lurking in my brain for some time. Tonight I felt compelled to write some of it down. Not that I would forget, but, more of an organization of thoughts.

I'm writing THIS post but I just can't seem to bring myself to start the other. You know when it's going to take a lot of concentration, and you know you just can't muster enough of it? That's how I'm feeling. But I felt I should write something because it's been quite a while. I guess I also wanted to say "hello" and I'm still here.

I know I'm not obligated to write. My writing is more for me. than anyone else. But for my own satisfaction, I had to post something. So this is what you get. An explanation! Exciting, I know! It WILL get better!