Tuesday, May 24, 2011

so done and defeated

I feel so deflated today. Sometimes when you are trying to get through to someone, it feels like you're talking only to yourself.So hard to communicate a point, when their normal and your normal are not the same! I've always been one to love too hard, hurt too hard, feel too much, take too much to heart. This has not served me well. I'm also one to speak what is on my mind. I do no own a "sugar jacket"(LMAO those of you who watch Modern Family will get that) I can't control it though. My dad told me I was always like this. Baby I was born this way! (OH  I'm full of them tonight). But one thing I am NOT, is stupid. I have lived a life. I have experienced a lot, witnessed a lot and went through a lot.I don't claim to know it all but I am no slouch in the ways of the world. I've also watched a lot of Oprah and have learned a few life lessons there. hehehe I'm a communicator. I like to talk and work things out,but I'm also a good listener. I pay attention to the things people say; but also to the things they don't say! - I have mellowed over the years. I've learned from experience that more is not always better. I've also learned , or rather ~ grown out of, the DRAMA! I don't desire to have it in my life.Whether it's mine or someone else's....it's not welcome in my life. Because I feel everything so intensely, I get stressed out about situations that are not my own. Especially if it's someone I care about. So I try to avoid it at all costs. Some may think this is a cop out. I see it as self preservation. I've arrived at an age where I know what is best for me and the only one who is going to take care of me; is ME! Still; it doesn't stop the worrying in my head. The fear that I should have pushed a little harder, pulled back a little more, said something differently, given another example, to get my point across. But such is life. You can only do so much. No one will accept your help if they are not ready to receive it.Some will live with  blinders on their entire life.That's ok. I only need to be concerned with me. It sounds selfish but I am  the only person I can control. I suppose this is good practice for when my children are teenager. I don't imagine they are going to want to listen to my advice either! LOL

No comments:

Post a Comment

I truly appreciate your comments and look forward to reading them!