Friday, October 15, 2010

Where do I fit in?

I have my children enrolled in gymnastics and piano lessons. My oldest does safety patrol. I pick up two international students in the morning and take them to school with my own. I am on the board for the Three Hills Arts Academy.I recently helped decorate for their upcoming event. I take a pilates class and a yoga class. I have volunteered in the past to read with the children at school.I have helped with the lunch for the musicians putting on the learning seminar. I used to belong to Kinettes when they still existed. I belong to a book club. My kids have played baseball and soccer. I used to belong to a dress club. (not sure whatever happened to that). I have helped neighbors look for their lost children. I have fed many of them. I have made food for those who have been sick and just had babies. I have volunteered to sell hotdogs to raise money for a local couple doing the kidney march. I have helped organize and plan staff Christmas parties. I have thrown many parties and attended parties to sell, jewellery, books, home interiors, kitchen supplies, clothes and purses.I have met many people I can call friend ,but yet...............I don't feel like I belong here. I did not grow up here and feel that this is a major hit against me. My boys don't play hockey...another hit. We own our own business....another hit. I'm just not sure what is missing.I have heard many people say that this is a hard town to "crack". This is coming from people who have lived in other small towns and seem to single this one out as different, and dare I say cliquey.When I think of "home", I think of our 'house'. Not the town we live in but the actually house. Don't get me wrong....I DO like this town. After staying in Montreal for a week and riding the metro full of unfamiliar faces, it was wonderful to come back to a quiet place where I feel free to let my kids ride their bikes to their friends' houses.Where I can wave to someone on almost every block. Where people say "hello Erin", even though I don't know their name! LOL Still, I feel as though this is temporary. I can't seem to fill my head with the idea that this is HOME. Do I want to move back to Ontario where I grew up? absolutely not. Do I want to move back to  Medicine Hat where I completed grade 10,11 and 12? ABSOLUTELY NOT!So what is it then that keeps me from feeling like this is not the place I am supposed to be? If you have the answers, let me know. Until then I will keep plugging along. I know my children are happy here ,so for now, that's all that really matters I guess.

6 comments:

  1. I think my dear Erin, (and I am allowed to say "dear Erin",I luv ya!) we all have this thought. I know that although I have been in the same place for that last 17 years, I know that it is NOT the "place" for me. But the ones I love are here and for now that is "home". As long we are together I am happy...there is nothing more than I can ask for besides being with the ones I love.

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  2. I also wonder if this is where we'll be for the long haul. I do love it and can't imagine being anywhere else (at the moment). Though we have no relatives in this town, there are certainly people we definitely call family and I'm not sure I could give that up. But at the same time....I'm like, Bob works in Olds....will he be there forever? Should we move closer to where he works? AHHH life! :) And thankyou for picking up my girls :) Sorry they were slowpokes this morning, ugghh!!

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  3. I don't belong here either. I don't really know who does. Ben and I always, and more recently just this morning, talked about what it would be like to live somewhere because you want to, not because it is convenient, or because there is a school, or a job, or family.....a little cobblestone cottage surrounded by trees, hills/mountains, water.....aaaahhhhhh. But its true, the place you live is what you make of it.

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  4. It makes me sad to hear you say that! I know this isn't the town I grew up in but I LOVE that I know so many people in one place, most of the time. I've been here 8 years now and feel like I was welcomed by most in town and mostly by people I truely enjoy. Friday night was a true testament to that, seeing so many people I like to call friends or friendly aquantiences come to support ME was overwhelming. I love that when someone sees my son talking to a questionable teenager after school I hear about it, I love that I can post on facebook that I can't find him and while I'm at work I have 3 people drop everything and go look for him, and people I would never have thought it was "their" problem. And as far as your concerned you are a fixture in this community and it wouldn't be the same without you!

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  5. thanks for your comment, Lisa. I love this town too. for all the reasons you said and more. i just don't feel settled. I feel like something is missing. Know what I mean?maybe someday i will look back at realize that this was my home all along but for right now,I still sort of feel out of place.

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  6. I hear yah! I always struggle with this - going back and forth in liking it and feeling it is GOOD and other times wishing I could pick up my (unfinished) house and drop it into a different location!! It is the issue of belonging - something we always search for - and we find snippets of moments where we are satisfied in this - and other times where something feels like it is missing - and we are simply living around others. My suggestion is to keep doing what you're doing - connecting with people and getting involved in real community. Home is really about community. You could live in the best place and not have this - and that's lonely (I did - Vancouver!!)

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