Wednesday, January 12, 2011

shit rolls down hill

So if you have more than one child, and one of them is being bullied, it doesn't end with the one child. It's been a rough couple of days for this family with a lot of crying and arguing! Because Adam is being teased and taunted and ridiculed at school,(they really know how to get him going), Benjamin has been feeling it too. The kids feel the need to come and tell him what Adam is doing,or what he said. Adam is in in 5/6 split so he shares his classroom with Benjamin's classmates. This is starting to become a huge problem for Benjamin. He is embarrassed by Adam's behavior and feels that if he defends him, he'll lose his friends too. He doesn't want to "become" what Adam is ,by having no friends. While at first glance this seems rude and childish of Benjamin; I can truly understand where he's coming from. This is a time where he (Ben) is also trying to find out where he fits in and who he is. He doesn't want to be defined by his brother. Of course we preach "he is your brother and always will be", "when you don't see your friends anymore, your brother will still be there", " if you can't count on your family,then who can you count on?"While all these things may be true, they are still hard for a boy of 11 to grasp and put into practice. We are all aware that Adam has an artistic mind that can't be tamed. He has different and strange ideas. The problem then, is that he doesn't blend in. He sticks out and is fair game for whomever wants to point it out. There are unfortunately a lot of takers at this school. Benjamin is truly frustrated and feels HE is being punished for something he has no control over. It doesn't end here.....
Olivia came downstairs crying about an hour ago. She feels "stressed out" about Adam. She doesn't know how she can help him. She wants to do more. She says that she is so sad that Adam's feelings are hurt on a regular basis but doesn't know how to fix it.That makes 5 of us. I wish I could tell her the answer. I wish I knew what to do. We WILL get through this, but being IN it is taking its toll. The aggressor in me wants to go to the school and yell at them all. I know that's not the answer but I know it would feel good at the time. I am NOT a fan of homeschooling at all, but....the thought has briefly crossed my mind. These are all things that my kids are going to have to deal with, even as adults. They need to learn how to cope with those bullies that never go away. I'm finding it hard though, to find the words each day to continue encouraging all of them.We are taking it day by day but seriously......something is gonna blow real soon. I just hope it's not my head! LOL


  1. I home schooled my daughter for a year and it was the best thing I ever did. Where as now she thrives in school before she cried everyday. Or what about trying the other school in town? It might be more focused on artistic ( ness) Not sure if you go to PCA or town But I do know PCA is focused on artistic and town is focused on Academic- so it depends on the child. I wanted to send my kids to the town but they are all artistic and also sensitive so I figured they needed a private controlled atmosphere a bit more. So far they are both doing good. The school has en excellent psychologist who helps my younger son like school ( he has a lot of anxiety) There are obviously things I do not like about the school but I have to say their no bully policy is excellent.

    Anyway, I took my daughter out for one grade and I guess she just needed that year to be home. I think it is fine to also give our kids shelter and safety when they are young- protecting their innocence and who they will become. They will get plenty of practice in the real world later on- childhood and developing of their true gifts deserves protection even if that means tough changes....You know your child best so you will find the right answer and it will be perfect. I am just speaking from my experience and not saying it is the right way for you. This just hit close to home and I have really had to re-evalute my stance on it and it helps to share it here:)
    Hopefully you find answers and freedom and hope. I wish you wisdom and strength ( and I am so so sorry it is so hard for a mommy to watch. I understand that and my heart aches for you.)

  2. It physically hurts as a parent, and it really does impact everyone. It's not all bad...Everyone in your family cares, every one of you has expressed concern in how to handle it, and everyone of you LOVES Adam. How fantastic is that??? It really is a privilege to 1) know about it and 2) help him through it. Imagine that same boy with absentee parents, he would not stand a chance! But he SURE does with you:)

  3. Erin, our son, Benno, went through something similar when he was quite young. I kept reminding him that no matter what anyone said, that didn't change who he was inside. I encouraged him to not allow them to hurt his feelings. In fact, one time they were mocking him in a baseball game and he came home crying. After I told him all of the above stuff, he went back out to play, which kinda surprised me. But he came back in about an hour later and told me that they did it to him again but that time it didn't hurt him. It's something we all have to learn again and again.

    David said that when he was young no one wanted him on their baseball team. When they did the team choosing he was always the last one to be chosen and the captains all fought over him saying, "No you take him". And that hurt him imeasurably.

    I think we can build confidence into our kids by encouraging them to be strong and to realize that they haven't changed just because someone said something unkind to them. The problem with the artsie guys, is that they have a softer, more gentle personality and the macho guys want to make them and everyone else aware of it.

    I'm thinking about you guys and will pray for you all. Stay strong.

  4. Ohhh Im so sorry..Hope everything will calm down soon. Wish you a nice day


  5. P.S. You were my inspiration for my post. It seems like you still provide a safe haven at home no matter what. I want to be like that:)
    And I love this song. The Beatles are one of my favs:)


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