Think the OTHER way today

For the past few years I have been trying to lose weight. Health reasons are high on the list but, let's face it; we all want to look good and turn heads.  I criticize myself every day for not eating right, not exercising enough, not cleaning my face before bed, not wearing my socks to preserve my pedicure etc etc etc..... We all do it. Some more than others. I have friends,from whom I have never heard a gracious word about themselves!!!! Well not today.I'm changing the way I view myself .(even if it's only for today) I was reading a blog I follow called Express-O. She pushes the same task. What is your favorite body part? Basically....Focus on the GOOD! What do you love about yourself. As women it's a hard thing for us to do. In our efforts to be the perfect us; we forget that we ARE perfect, as is!It's ok to strive for better,but don't forget to appreciate what you have!!! What is your favorite thing about YOU?????We all have things that we are GOOD at.We all have things we love to DO! But our body image is always a thing in progress. Look deep inside and tell me what physical part of you is your fave!

shit rolls down hill

So if you have more than one child, and one of them is being bullied, it doesn't end with the one child. It's been a rough couple of days for this family with a lot of crying and arguing! Because Adam is being teased and taunted and ridiculed at school,(they really know how to get him going), Benjamin has been feeling it too. The kids feel the need to come and tell him what Adam is doing,or what he said. Adam is in in 5/6 split so he shares his classroom with Benjamin's classmates. This is starting to become a huge problem for Benjamin. He is embarrassed by Adam's behavior and feels that if he defends him, he'll lose his friends too. He doesn't want to "become" what Adam is ,by having no friends. While at first glance this seems rude and childish of Benjamin; I can truly understand where he's coming from. This is a time where he (Ben) is also trying to find out where he fits in and who he is. He doesn't want to be defined by his brother. Of course we preach "he is your brother and always will be", "when you don't see your friends anymore, your brother will still be there", " if you can't count on your family,then who can you count on?"While all these things may be true, they are still hard for a boy of 11 to grasp and put into practice. We are all aware that Adam has an artistic mind that can't be tamed. He has different and strange ideas. The problem then, is that he doesn't blend in. He sticks out and is fair game for whomever wants to point it out. There are unfortunately a lot of takers at this school. Benjamin is truly frustrated and feels HE is being punished for something he has no control over. It doesn't end here.....
Olivia came downstairs crying about an hour ago. She feels "stressed out" about Adam. She doesn't know how she can help him. She wants to do more. She says that she is so sad that Adam's feelings are hurt on a regular basis but doesn't know how to fix it.That makes 5 of us. I wish I could tell her the answer. I wish I knew what to do. We WILL get through this, but being IN it is taking its toll. The aggressor in me wants to go to the school and yell at them all. I know that's not the answer but I know it would feel good at the time. I am NOT a fan of homeschooling at all, but....the thought has briefly crossed my mind. These are all things that my kids are going to have to deal with, even as adults. They need to learn how to cope with those bullies that never go away. I'm finding it hard though, to find the words each day to continue encouraging all of them.We are taking it day by day but seriously......something is gonna blow real soon. I just hope it's not my head! LOL

Are my bad habits stronger than I am?

So I'm reading this book. It's very inspirational and I'm learning a lot about myself. I've always thought that I was an open person. Someone who had a good grasp of who she was. I'm always sharing and don't hold anything back. If you want to know something....just ask. I usually tell. So as I read this book I find myself a little shocked and surprised at all the mechanisms I use to comfort myself. FOOD is one of them. I am not obese but I AM over-weight. This is from over eating. So all these habits I have had( defense mechanisms) are unhealthy and I need to get rid of them. This is NOT an easy task. Some of you won't relate to this and some will think "that's not me"....but I ask you to indulge me because I, too, was shocked to find out that the habits I had developed were not just "western "society habits. Picture this....... A girl about 9 years old, sitting on a couch,watching t.v.! She is there by herself. Blanket wrapped around her she stares blankly at the screen in front of her. Now picture the same girl, but with a big bowl of popcorn in her lap, watching the same t.v.! Who 'seems' happier? Who seems lonely? Who seems to be there of her own choice, like the that's exactly what she wants to be doing? Who seems to be there because there is nothing else to do? Do you see what I see? the big bowl of popcorn is a buffer.Somehow having the food there makes it an "occasion"! A comforting tool that shows the world (or pretends to show) the world that this is her choice.She wants to be there. It's all a farce. How many of you can actually sit in front of a t.v. without eating anything????? I commend you if you can! Even an apple is healthy but....is it really necessary? That's my struggle right now. I thought I was getting so far with the book and doing so well.....and then.........
          I went to my first meeting  to start rehearsals for "Guys and Dolls". Those of you who have been following my blog, know that I  auditioned and got a part.I am a "hot box girl". There will be singing and dancing and probably costumes that will reveal more than I want the world to see. We all sat in this room last night and as we all said our names and who we were going to play in the play, I began to get a little nervous. ALL the other girls are skinnier than me. Yes yes they are. It's not my imagination. Some of them are mere teenagers and some are perhaps somewhere in their early 20's! Needless to say....I do NOT have the body I once had as a 20 year old. Now I know some of you out there will say "Oh but you are great just the way you are!" ..."you look fabulous (for your age)!" Blah blah blah. I hear you and I know in my head that this is true. I could lose a few( or maybe a few x20) pounds but I'm not gross or anything. I KNOW that. BUT!!!!!!!! It made me nervous and anxious and a little stressed out. I am in the process of losing this weight. Especially since I will be looked at by so many when I am on that stage. So after I came home from the meeting I promptly ate 3 cookies. Then I ate 3 more. Then I started to rationalize that I probably won't be able to eat these for a while if I'm going to get on that New Years Resolution......!!!!!! I had better have 3 more. OK that's enough. I should have a glass of milk and be done with it. Oh ya and I told myself months ago that I would not buy any more spitz until 2011. So what is the first thing I did in 2011? I bought some. for those of you who don't know what spitz are....they are salty sunflower seeds. I can eat a whole bag! Anyway.....i had eaten some earlier that day and the bag was NOT empty. I decided to finish it off so it would be gone and not a temptation.(great logic I know) I won't be buying any more! So now I have gotten over it. I had my little hissy fit. This is how I deal with stress. I would really like to find a different way of dealing with it and am working on it. This blog is helping too. It's good to get my feelings out. It makes them tangible and possibly surmountable! So I am back on the wagon. No more excess cookies to cushion my feelings! Thanks for letting me rant! Like you had a choice! bahahahahahahahaha
By the way....the song you are listening to is NOT me. It's Jann Arden and some other girl is singing with her in her own house while Jann plays on her CD player. I liked it because it reminds me of when I used to do the same! FYI!