Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The wonderful confines of a job

I was never meant to have a traditional 9 to 5 job. I'm thankful for the ability to send my children off to school and to be here when they come home. I'm thankful that I don't NEED an outside job to pay the bills. I've imposed this "job" of writing my blog daily, on myself. Yet today I feel pressured. Someone has told me what to do and I don't like it. Even though that someone was ME! This has been the case with me for my entire life. I have been quoted by several people as saying "you're not the boss of me" as early at 2 years. If I think back to conflict, or battles that I have had over the years, they almost always stem from the fact that someone was trying to tell me what to do. How to live my life, or NOT live my life.I can even remember doing the exact opposite of what people told me I should be doing; just to show them how, in control and independent I was. It strikes such a nerve in me that I can't even describe how strong it is. I don't have all the answers and I'm certainly no psychologist but.....I think I thought I wasn't in control from an early age and therefore had to assert that I was, so more people wouldn't take advantage of me. It didn't always work and a lot of times it backfired. I got my panties in a bunch when I didn't need to and words were said that cannot be taken back. I believe it is the basis for the underlying conflict I have with my in-laws. They like to tell me what to do and how to live my life and well....that's just not how I roll. I still struggle with whether or not I should try to change this or embrace it. Some days I feel strong that I stick by my guns, am not afraid to speak my mind, go after what I want. Other days I wonder if this is a weakness, that I'm not doing a very good job of overcoming. It's a constant battle. I need therapy! Really! those are my thoughts for today.If you have any thoughts on this I would love to here them. Not that I will heed them but......hahahahahahah Just kidding! All will be taken with a grain of salt! I'm just sayin'!


  1. Hey, the last time I checked this you were not posting anymore! I have a lot to catch up on. I have actually started using my blogger 'blogs I follow' thing on my dashboard- so now I can see everyone who updates:) I loved this post. And I skimmed the others. It sounds like you are figuring out what you want in life- that's good. As for whether you should change or embrace it- I say both. I know that seems paradoxical but it really isn't. Anyway, I have some tools, books, websites that might help u figure that out on your own as each person is so different. Funny thing is I am getting ready to post about temperaments and such tomorrow- so look for that post. I know so many who swear when they did these temperaments and read about themselves and others that the pieces totally fit.

    Anyhoo be true to yourself and gentle with others in your own way and you will be just fine ( and that is not me telling u what to do:)haha.

  2. I have an idea, which is not often but when they happen its totally worth it!
    I suggest getting a job. A real job. Even for just a short time, I totally suggest it. Why? It will make you realize how good things are right now. Imagine HAVING to wake up at a certain time and HAVING to be somewhere at certain time. Yes, this is called a REAL job. It's insane! I don't know how normal people do it! Try it for 6 months+ then decide for yourself how you feel about things now. It might be the worst thing ever but it might also be the best thing ever! You may just meet a whole lotta people in the same boat! I personally found that it opened up a whole new avenue to meeting people just like me! A 9-5 job is not always about the money, but more a (I hate to say social scene) but a way to meet new people and discover myself as a person and not necessarily just that blah, stay at home Mom. I know that sounds weird, but it was a real eye opener to find out who I was as a Mother and Wife. I met so many new people and so many in the same boat! It was fantastic. I also came to realize after working a permanent job that volunteering was an even better route to take. I stay at home as much as possible for my kids, but I spend a good majority of my time volunteering at Churches, and ANYTHING available at the time whether it be library's or what have you.
    Simply put, I think it would be a good idea to taste something new for you that gives back to society!
    Great Blog!

  3. I HAVE thought about that. I'm not going to rule it out at this point.


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