Just a sharing of thoughts, pictures, songs and maybe, just maybe, some insights! Let's see where this blog takes us.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The wonderful confines of a job
I was never meant to have a traditional 9 to 5 job. I'm thankful for the ability to send my children off to school and to be here when they come home. I'm thankful that I don't NEED an outside job to pay the bills. I've imposed this "job" of writing my blog daily, on myself. Yet today I feel pressured. Someone has told me what to do and I don't like it. Even though that someone was ME! This has been the case with me for my entire life. I have been quoted by several people as saying "you're not the boss of me" as early at 2 years. If I think back to conflict, or battles that I have had over the years, they almost always stem from the fact that someone was trying to tell me what to do. How to live my life, or NOT live my life.I can even remember doing the exact opposite of what people told me I should be doing; just to show them how, in control and independent I was. It strikes such a nerve in me that I can't even describe how strong it is. I don't have all the answers and I'm certainly no psychologist but.....I think I thought I wasn't in control from an early age and therefore had to assert that I was, so more people wouldn't take advantage of me. It didn't always work and a lot of times it backfired. I got my panties in a bunch when I didn't need to and words were said that cannot be taken back. I believe it is the basis for the underlying conflict I have with my in-laws. They like to tell me what to do and how to live my life and well....that's just not how I roll. I still struggle with whether or not I should try to change this or embrace it. Some days I feel strong that I stick by my guns, am not afraid to speak my mind, go after what I want. Other days I wonder if this is a weakness, that I'm not doing a very good job of overcoming. It's a constant battle. I need therapy! Really! those are my thoughts for today.If you have any thoughts on this I would love to here them. Not that I will heed them but......hahahahahahah Just kidding! All will be taken with a grain of salt! I'm just sayin'!