Sunday, October 2, 2011

Editing my flawed thinking.........

On this day of your life, Erin, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are what you think of all day long.
Day after day your thoughts shape you like dripping water shapes rock. Pay attention to what you are habitually thinking about, - are your thoughts serving you well? 

This is an app(called 'God wants you to know') that I subscribe to on fb. I receive it every day. Most days I feel like it's exactly what I needed to hear but other days, I know it is; but choose to look the other way. Today I'm NOT ignoring it.  ' My thoughts are not serving me well.'  I'm so good at convincing myself that what I think, what I know, what I want and what I need are the RIGHT things.I also did a post about trusting your own self which plays a lot into my decision making about letting go. I got a tattoo on my wrist to remind myself every day that I am not in control, and I'm even ignoring that. My need to direct, where my life goes, and even the lives of others, is taking over my life. Letting go and letting God is not as easy as it sounds. I have some serious work to do. I'm trying. I really am. Some days it just seems so overwhelming.

Do you ever follow signs and clues, believing that this is the universe directing you on a path that is for you alone? I do this all the time. The problem is that I don't trust my decisions. Once I am well on my way down a certain road, I start the questions. Lately I have been filling my days and nights, searching. Keeping busy, living life, looking for the signs of where I'm supposed to go. To tell you the truth, I'm exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. My heart hurts, my head throbs and I'm not sure that I'm any further ahead. In fact, I'm sure I'm behind. Feeling like I've been focusing so much on making sure that the path I'm on is right, I've neglected to notice the things around me that are important (or should be important). I'm hoping today that this is a moment of clarity and not just another misguided epiphany. I seem to be having those a lot.( the misguided ones)

How do you  let go? How do you just be? Why do I feel like I always need to be paying attention or I'm going to miss it? I'll miss the opportunity to do what I was meant to do? How do I turn this off? I don't know the answers. And that's why I search . Do you see the vicious cycle?????

I'm jealous. I'm jealous of those who seem to KNOW where they belong. They are exactly where they should be; doing what makes them feel alive. They have passion for something. People see that and envy them for it. I am one of the envious. I'm not sure how to achieve all these lofty goals I have; but I'm trying. That's all I'm asking of myself today.

side note: I hope you enjoy the music. Daryl Wilson is a good friend of mine and very talented!! These songs are on the album called Here Boy!


  1. If it's any consolation, most of the people that look like they have it all together and know where they belong and all that... I think a lot of them actually haven't begun to ask the hard questions that you are asking now, that got you started on this journey in the first place.

    You're not behind sister, you're ahead.

    PS. Thanks for using my tunes on your blog. I'm positively blushing.


I truly appreciate your comments and look forward to reading them!