Thursday, December 29, 2011


I have a friend( here we go again), who spent Christmas Eve alone. She made a plate of her favorite snacks, snuggled in with a blanket and a good movie, and a great glass of red. She tweeted a few friends, texted a bit and had a great evening on her own. I was a little envious of her alone time. I also had another friend comment that she was envious, as well. I know some that would have been horrified at the thought. Some would think this the worst night EVER! How sad! Poor thing!

It all has to do with frame of mind I suppose. You can choose how you feel about your alone time. I know so many moms who crave it. Busy lives demand a lot of time and there are so few hours in the day. When it's our choice, we love it. Run a bath, have a glass of wine, talk with an old friend on the phone, write a letter, read a book, start or finish a project, go for a walk, ride your bike far and wide, or just sit and stare at the ocean.

Why is it so hard for us to not appreciate our alone time when it is thrust upon us? Why can we not focus on anything else except the fact that you didn't ask for this?  Somehow this now becomes the worst thing ever. We are so dependent on everyone else to fill our time that we sometimes forget to work on ourselves. Being a whole person first, makes for better alone time. Something I plan on working on in the new year. I've always loved my alone time, but what if it was thrust upon me? I have so many friends who are in this position right now and all who are reacting differently. Some people have more time before they "find someone", to work on this, I guess. I'm not saying that some circumstances would not cause you to be overcome with grief, where the "aloneness" would seem more of a punishment than a luxury. I want to know that I'm strong enough to have the ability to focus on how much I have always enjoyed being by myself. How many times I craved it and never got it, how many times I demanded it and reveled in it.

 That's not to say that I don't appreciate the time I spend with my family and friends. I do love that, too.  But there needs to be a balance. It may sound selfish but.........I plan on taking more time for myself in the New Year to be "alone"! Independent and self sufficient are not words that I readily use to describe myself, but I hope by the end of the year, they are the first two.

I already have a road trip planned for April. A week alone, just me and the car. Driving when I want, eating when I want, sleeping when I want. Stopping and staying wherever  the wind blows me. Making my own decisions on a whim. I'm terrified and super excited all at the same time. Can you guess where the wind will blow me? The ocean is calling my name!

God forbid that I should ever be in a situation where I am single again, but I want to work on the part of me that I know is the weakest. It's also a good example for my kids. At least that's what I tell myself when I feel guilty for taking time for me. *wink* I KNOW it is.

I hope you all think a little about yourself this year and take some time to develop you, as a whole person. It's important and it benefits everyone around you. Not the ENTIRE year, mind you. I also have another New Year's resolution which I will share in the next post!


  1. Way to take the plunge. April sounds fabulous. My season will come. For now enjoy your.

  2. Woot!! A road trip sounds like a fabulous idea!!! I think I might do that too!! Love you, girl! xoxox

  3. As someone who has always fiercely valued and made room for alone time, I am here to tell you that when there is no choice and you are alone ALL the time, it is different. It is awful.

    I think that the joy of being alone (which I truly love) is directly related to the level of connectedness in one's life. If one feels connected, one can find the treasure in being alone. If one is feeling disconnected, being alone is terrifying and dark.

    So, as paradoxical as it may seem, one can enhance one's ability to enjoy being alone by working on one's relationships!

    Enjoy the road trip, you are a well-connected, well-loved woman.

  4. I'm never alone. Often times I'm by myself though. I'm a man that needs other humans, I'm a man that needs to know that I'm loved, appreciated, admired. I'm a man that balances joy and melancholy similar to a tight-rope walker balancing perfection and death. I'm a man whose inner accuser has the loudest voice and when no human is close by to come along side me and prove the accuser wrong, I for some reason don't believe that even Jesus cares about me. I'm a man that loves freedom, one who hates chains. I'm a man that loves going off by myself because I KNOW that I'm loved by my family, friends and Jesus. But there are times when for what ever reason, I choose to look away and in doing so feel desperately ALONE in a Universe of random mayhem and meaninglessness. And THAT is a time when this man cries......

  5. Amazing responses...complimenting the post beautifully.

  6. Loving the comments and the reactions. Made me tear up a little. What I really strive for is to KNOW that I can take care of myself no matter what. I've seen too many women start over from scratch. They've had to deal with grief AND learning how to do for themselves. EVERYTHING. IF I'm ever in that situation( hopefully never) I would like time to grieve and not be worried about all the other stuff. I would like to know that I'm "ok" with being by myself and that I "know how" to do that! i so loved reading your comments. Keep 'em coming!

  7. What a great posting, Erin. When my kids were your kids ages I longed for the day of quiet times, uninterrupted bubble baths and actually finding milk in the milk cartons. Then when they started getting older I realized they would be gone soon. Dan and I each have interests that mean we spend time apart, so that thought of being alone kind of freaked me out.

    It was difficult at first, but now I really do love it. I enjoy the freedom and the time to think without distractions.

    A solo road trip! Fabulous! You are safe and comfortable with you, so it makes perfect sense to have a vacay with THAT person.

  8. i love being alone and i love being surrounded by family and friends too. balance is key and i sure feel it when it's off! since becoming a sahm 4 years ago when i had the only child i get to have, i haven't had much alone time at all and i was reeeeeeeeeally starting to feel it about a year or so ago. felt like i needed and big break and a holiday alone. i have gotten more alone time since eth started pre-k this past september and i tell you i relish those 2 1/2 hours every wed, thurs and fri when he's in class...and i am excited to go and pick him up to hear all about his afternoon in class...BALANCE. :o) i still want and need an extra extra long weekend alone to sleep, rest, knit, read, walk, people watch, drink an entire cup of tea while it's actually still hot (imagine that!)...breathe...and do 'teresa' things like i used to b/c i'm not just a mommy and a wife, i am teresa too...and this chick has her own things to do! and i am determined to get that 'teresa time' and will be ever grateful when it is able to happen. i will be an employed woman again when eth is in school full time so my alone time is waning and i am determined to catch it! i hope you do too!

  9. wow !! thank u so much... you make one alone creature's life better and better :))


I truly appreciate your comments and look forward to reading them!