listen

I'm a good listener. Partly because I'm genuinely interested in what you have to say, partly because I love to help, and partly because I'm a busy body and I just like to KNOW! I'm a good secret keeper. Knowing doesn't mean I share.

I've always been this way. People have been divulging their secrets to me from as far back as I can remember. One of my favorite games, as a kid was Truth or Dare. I always picked Truth and preferred when the others did too. When I was in grade 7; we did up little profiles for the yearbook. You know; where they list beside your photo what you're best known for, your nickname, where you will probably end up etc. You know the drill. My "famous for" was 'giving advice'. I've always been an information gatherer. I stayed up late on the stairs to listen to the parties going on. To hear the stories they had to tell. I still like to be the last one at the party. Taking it all in. Being involved in it all.

At one point in my life, I thought I would like to be a psychologist. When asked, that's what I would say. Somewhere along the line, this changed. I'm not sure where. I never stopped helping people, listening and offering advice where I could. But the desire to do it professionally(as a career option) has never crept up again............until recently.

I had a dream the other night.I was shopping in an old store. The displays were falling apart and sparse. As I looked them over, I realized they were full of card catalogue cards. On the cards were people's faces whom I had helped or counselled in some way. As I looked them over, they became alive, animated, continuing to talk. I put them back and walked away. I couldn't figure out what kind of store I was in. What was I doing there?

That was only part of the dream. Being a firm believe in the idea that dreams are your subconscious trying to tell you something, I promptly looked it up. Here's what I found just for shopping...(dream dictionary)

To dream that you are shopping symbolizes your needs and desires. It also represents opportunities and options that you come across in life. Consider what you are shopping for and what needs you are try to fulfill. In particular, to dream that you are shopping for food and groceries signifies your hidden attempt to buy the attention of others. If you are shopping for clothes, then it suggests that you are trying to put forth a new image.

To dream that you cannot find what you are shopping for suggests that you are trying to find a solution to some life problem.

So now what? I ran into a friend today is currently studying to get her Masters in Psychology. While that much schooling doesn't interest me at this point, her choice of degree caught me by surprise. There it was again. 

I've been told before that I'm not living the life I should be. I should be living a life of healing. Healing and helping. Those words have stuck with me. I just can't figure it out. 

This time of year seems to be the time when feelings and emotions come to the surface. I've been 'listening' a lot. I think about what my future might hold and it excites me. Am I headed down a new path?

The answer is; I don't know. But talking about it makes it feel more real.

I'm not saying I want to do this professionally. I enjoy "being there" for my friends. I really do. I love it! I seek it out sometimes. But I can't help but wonder what the next step is. I know I am the one who gives meaning to my 'signs' in front of me, but I'm having a hard time deciding what that meaning is. Maybe there isn't one? Maybe it's just that I should continue with what I'm doing? Ah well. There it is. Out there to be processed. I don't know. Maybe I should just become a bartender?

That's it for tonight. Let see what dreams I'll have this night.........