Tuesday, February 21, 2012

so many words, so many tests

I wrote a post quite a while ago, that you can check out HERE, called" Do you trust your own self?". I'm right back there. I thought I had moved on, but clearly I was mistaken. I'm a lover of words. They are so powerful. I really do love them. Lately they've been confusing me. I've been listening to them all and I'm not sure which ones are intended for me.

Bloom where you're planted. You can't always get what you want. Be grateful for what you have. Enjoy today, for there might not be a tomorrow. Look at what's in front of you. Don't be selfish. If you were meant to be somewhere else, doing something else, that's where you would be. Don't be greedy. Life is hard. Accept what you have.Make lemons out of lemonade.The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Make your decisions carefully. Don't do something you'll regret. There's something to be said for routine.

On the days when I feel I'm getting ahead of myself, I tend to see a quote similar to those. Or I'll hear it from somebody. That's when the doubt seeps in. The fear (four letter word). Maybe I should listen. Maybe I should pay attention. Then I think, what about all the other words?........

Don't settle, it's your life too. Follow your heart and do what's right for you. Let your dreams be bigger than your fear. Live your best life. God helps those who help themselves. Be the change you want to see in others. Fight for your dreams. Go big or go home. If it scares you, then do it! Life needs more experiences, not more things. The time is NOW. I don't want to be the 95 year old who says on their death bed "I should have......."!

So many words. so much conflicting thoughts. I really don't trust myself anymore. I'm tired of spinning my wheels. Am I just impatient or is this a sign that I'm on the wrong path? Should I change course? How much compromise is giving up? I'm unsure. Unsure of even the thoughts in my head. I'm trying to follow my heart. that which makes it soar. But when I'm knocked down at every turn, I wonder if it's a test, or the proverbial brick to the head ,saying 'knock it off!" It's not just the day. It's the week, it's the months, it's really been the years. I just don't know anymore.


  1. Have you ever watched "Midnight in Paris?" I found the ending confirmed what my heart has been telling me...You should watch it. I think perhaps all those sayings have their time and place but have different meanings for different people. It needs to go by the soul of the person. Some need to be pushed to live more, some need to be pushed to live less. Some need to be encouraged to give consideration for the brevity of life...some need to stop thinking about the brevity of life (namely me)
    I think the best advice I can give is find out more of who you are. Dig even deeper to your own truths, spiritually and emotionally and mentally. Sometimes a place of no answers and confusion is the best place to be (looking back) I know for me it is but during it is so flippin tough. It's so hard. I have been begging for knowing where we belong as a family forever. A temporary answer has come and it is sweet relief- so I know that it is hard not having answers...but looking back I realized that was a good time too...not knowing...in a very different way. The best place for me spiritually too is not having many answers. I know I love God and that everyone else is worthy of love - anything else is up for thought...I like it that way..it keeps me from judging too much or thinking too much of myself...just when I think I have it right I get it wrong.
    None of that probably helps but I could not leave this post alone. Just know you are not alone in those feelings. I have been so confused too ( still am- depends what day you get me on) Yesterday I spent the day in tears because of it...so no- you are not alone in searching but the beauty of the journey is still yours:)

  2. Thank you KMarie! It's nice to know I'm not alone! Love you and your words!

  3. Love you Erin. I wrestle with these same things day in and day out. My mother is the queen of all of those first quotes you mentioned, ESPECIALLY "bloom where you are planted" and for that very reason it particularly grates on my nerves ;) I do agree that there is some importance of this in the moments...wherever it is that you find yourself. (I also must say that it is my belief that you do a very good job of this...you have such a big heart and you share it. You are real and I am blessed to know you.) I also have this innate fear of withering up and dying if I do not, at some point take matters into my own hands and move forward from this place altho when I wallow in that wishing I end up missing out on so much right outside my front door. Restlessness is natural and things can change in an instant. I hold tight to that thought as I witness so many dear to me take those steps away from this place. My heart aches for the ocean and I am refreshed every single time that I visit. I breathe deep and cherish those moments. I also recall a time after living on the east coast for several years and returning to my Three Hills home for a visit with a good friend of mine in tow. As we drove from Calgary to Three Hills I marveled at the beauty all around me...We drove to the top of the hills and parked and as I looked across the fields as the sun set I seriously began to cry. My heart, for that moment was home and so happy to be so. I remind myself of this each time I become restless. I definitely DO NOT have it all figured out and I still drive myself crazy looking at MLS listings from here to Timbuktu but for now I am here, trying to take advantage of my moments. Hoping that more of those moments will include you. xo.

  4. Man, and I can find a saying quote no matter how hard I try;) love u!


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