Think the OTHER way today

For the past few years I have been trying to lose weight. Health reasons are high on the list but, let's face it; we all want to look good and turn heads.  I criticize myself every day for not eating right, not exercising enough, not cleaning my face before bed, not wearing my socks to preserve my pedicure etc etc etc..... We all do it. Some more than others. I have friends,from whom I have never heard a gracious word about themselves!!!! Well not today.I'm changing the way I view myself .(even if it's only for today) I was reading a blog I follow called Express-O. She pushes the same task. What is your favorite body part? Basically....Focus on the GOOD! What do you love about yourself. As women it's a hard thing for us to do. In our efforts to be the perfect us; we forget that we ARE perfect, as is!It's ok to strive for better,but don't forget to appreciate what you have!!! What is your favorite thing about YOU?????We all have things that we are GOOD at.We all have things we love to DO! But our body image is always a thing in progress. Look deep inside and tell me what physical part of you is your fave!

"Friends" are waiting

For Christmas ,from my darling husband, I received all the seasons of Friends on DVD. Right then and there i decided that I would play them on my computer as I worked out on our elliptical machine. I have been thinking of this EVERY DAY since December 26th!!!!! EVERY DAY people! I have yet to do it. I'm wondering if today is the day? I have had umpteen excuses and now.....I'm feeling ok, I don't have a whole lot on my agenda for the day....hmmmm....could this be the day? I'm not sure why I just can't kick myself in the ass and get going already. I have been reading so many books and watching so many programs on how to motivate yourself to lose weight and yet...~ nothing seems to be sticking. I think sometimes that I am supposed to be like this.I know it sounds crazy but, somehow I feel like I'm more approachable if I'm just a little chubby. Typing it even sounds ridiculous but yet the thought still lingers. It is important for me to BE approachable. I don't want anyone to ever think they are beneath me or less than me. I always want to be open to anyone approaching me. I KNOW in my head that this is still possible without my muffin top and Buddha belly but geeeeez............. It's just so hard. Well ~  I will let you know later this afternoon if today was the day. Send me good exercise vibes! 

Too good to be true....Or IS it?

Life is grand. I do not want or need for anything. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and makes me feel secure and loved, 3 beautiful children who make me smile EVERY day. I have a beautiful house and I drive a nice car. I have the ability to go shopping when I want and don't ever have to worry about losing my home or not paying bills. I have many friends of all kinds ~ a loving family and I have great hair. I could stand to lose a few pounds but that's another blog.
This was not always so. I am in so many ways a stereo type. I was raised by a single parent and saw my father only a handful of times growing up(we have a better relationship now). We never had much money and I was a latch key kid all of my school years. I was molested several times by different people and then when I was in grade 10 we moved to a different province, different school.  It was hard to make friends and to this day I only really speak to ONE from that school( That's you Dave).  I struggled through my early adulthood spending most of my money on cigarettes and booze. I suffered huge heartaches, depression and simply just being lonely.
My knight came and saved me. I fell in love. The relationship we have right now is so beyond any relationship I have ever had in my life. He is my BEST friend. I tell him everything. He makes me laugh, he's great company. He's the best DAD to his kids and he is kind and generous to everyone!We get along amazingly! We share the same sense of humor and still have that "drive" to slap each other on the butt from time to time. ;) He is also the best snuggler EVER!
Soooooo......the other night I had this awful dream that we were getting a divorce. I mean it was already in the works.I was soooooo  sad. I just wanted to try again but, alas my husband no longer loved me and didn't even want to try. It was OVER! I cried. I didn't want to lose him, start over, not have him in my life. I woke feeling very heavy hearted . You know the feeling you have when you wake up and it feels like your dream was so real? It was just awful. I got the kids off to school and called my husband right away. I told him about my dream and he laughed. "As if!" "I am NEVER going to leave you and I will always love you!" I KNEW that but I needed to hear it because the dream still FELT very real. I continued to analyze my dream throughout the week. I went for a pedicure(therapy session ;)) and we discussed it even more. I believe I have de-constructed it more times than I care to admit and finally have come to the conclusion that....somewhere in the back of my mind I still feel that I am not worthy of the life I have. That somehow, something bad is going to happen and it will all be gone .I know I have earned this life. I don't take it for granted. I cherish my 'boring' days spent just LIVING with my family. I truly believe I am lucky and blessed. So now comes the hard part of actually convincing myself(even in my sub conscious) that I am worthy of this life I have created.Sounds easy enough. in my waking life I can convince anyone that I am exactly where I should be. It's that nagging,annoying voice, that lives deep down that is going to be hard to tame. But tame her I will!!!! Just sayin'! I should have been a shrink!