the fine lines we can't see

I have a tattoo on my right wrist that says Let God. The d is quite faint(on purpose) to show the phrase is actually, Let Go, Let God. You get me? I have it there as a reminder to stop trying to control things in my life. To let things happen as they happen. To not force what is not meant to be. Letting go has never been easy for me and I doubt that will ever change.

The reminder is needed daily. I have a hard time with where the line is that says I should let go and the line that says: try harder, go after what you want, persevere, fight, be vocal, commit to your goal and never give up. Somehow we are supposed to know where the balance is. Somehow we are supposed to know how much is too much, how much is not enough, and don't even get me started on timing. 

Some days it's makes me crazy. The struggle inside my head is chaotic at best. Back and forth; a true tug of war about action and non action, speaking and staying quiet, fight or flight.  

Today the struggle was real. Too real. Fighting with yourself is not recommended. So I numb my mind with a long bike ride, a movie and spitz by the handfuls. But when the ride is done, the movie is over and only the shells remain of the spitz, the chaos begins again. 

Thursday musings. And by the way, I suck at meditating.

So I blogged last night and then pressed publish and nothing happened. All my beautiful words that came to me in that moment are now gone. They weren't saved and they weren't posted. So here I am this morning trying to recreate. I was telling of my epiphany of how this is my blog and not every post needs to be lengthy, relevant or even coherent. It took me a long time to come to that little piece of golden wisdom, but I believe I have accepted it as true. 

Most days I feel like this kid in this picture. (It's an old pic of my middle child, btw) I feel like a small child in an adult world, doing adult things. I don't think I am mature enough to make huge decisions, live on my own, and get the garbage out to the alley on time, but I do. I do all of these things and I guess that means I am capable. I am a work in progress and I'm trying to figure things out just like everyone else. One thing I've realized is that writing helps with this process. It keeps me sane, restores balance, and gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Writing makes things real for me. Not having my feelings validated is a huge soul crusher and writing validates all that I know and feel, even if it's just me doing the validating. And so I write. I write to feel whole, I write to fill my soul, I write to feel like I'm leaving a mark and someone will know that I was here. Anyway,,,,, If you're here for the long haul, welcome. If you're here just to take a look and have a peek, that's ok too. The only thing I ask is to keep this space positive. If you have negativity to spread, keep that shit to yourself. However, if you have comments or questions that are genuine, please feel free to leave them. I always enjoy reading them. And I will always reply as soon as I can. Thanks for checking out my musings

I'M BACK.....I think

I left wordpress after 4 years of not really blogging at all and think I'm ready to get back at it. I'm feeling the urge to write again, something a little longer than Instagram is set up for. We'll see how it goes. Facebook is still not my favorite platform, but I quite enjoy the "on this day" feature. As I was reminded of past blog posts, I went back to the blog and everything was still there.(HERE,as it were) I remember how much I enjoyed writing and creating all of those posts and have talked myself into giving it another go. A mistake? Perhaps. But the draw is there so......Wish me luck.

                                                      ...

taking the plunge. my final post here

I'm taking the plunge and heading over to wordpress.com. I can't keep flitting back and forth....so off I go. I choose wordpress. My new address over there is http://a-place-of-my-own.com/

I hope you will come 'follow' me there! I will keep this blog up for a week if you have any questions. I'm not sure I will have the answers, but I will certainly try to answer to the best of my ability.

see you there!

changing my address

I'm switching to Wordpress.com. It's still quite the learning curve for me, so I'm not sure I want to get rid of this one yet. If you care to check it out.... here is the link!new blog address   Eventually I will only be on wordpress( I think) so if you want to 'follow' there, you can.  This is all so confusing to me. bear with me please.

the right stuff at the right time

I'm reading. I've read the Hunger Games. The movie is out soon. My son has read all three books. I want to see the movie with him and so I read the book. I loved it. Another movie, coming out soon, is "Blue Like Jazz." The movie comes out April 13th, I believe. Recommended by a good friend, I sought it out. It was hard to find. My husband eventually found it for me. I can't say it was easy to start out. But I'm loving it so far. So many times I find myself talking to the author in the margins. I suppose that's a good thing. One paragraph in particular caught my attention.

     "Because I can't be here anymore.I don't feel whole here. I feel, well, partly whole. Incomplete. Tired. It has nothing to do with this (church); it's all me. Something got crossed in the wires, and I became the person I should be and not the person I am. It feels like I should go back and get the person I am and bring him here to the person I should be........"

I believe I have said something to that effect before. Almost word for word. I think perhaps if we all look deep, we've all felt that way at some point or another.

My vacation was just that. a vacation from all the thoughts, obligations, everything! Coming home, I tried to bask in the memories. The glow of how luxurious the time away was. The snow did not help. It slammed me right back to reality. As did the bickering of my children.

I continue to dream, unaware of where it will take me and what will come of it. If I don't have my dreams, what do I have?

some catching up

Home from Cancun. I have pictures to download, blogs to read, laundry, unpacking, etc etc. I will certainly try to fit in the time to blog!I  have missed reading all the blogs I follow, but had a great relaxing time in the Mexican sun! I will return soon............................

Adios!

We leave in a few hours for the hotel. We'll spend the night and then in the wee hours we'll head to the airport. I'm really excited. I've been to Mexico before, but not Cancun. I've been on these business trips before too. So I'm not sure what is different, but I feel different about this trip. It was a full moon last night. I associated my mood with that. I'm not entirely sure that was the only reason for my mood. I can't even really explain it. I even feel different this morning. Everything seems clear. Not foggy. Not bogged down. I don't know how to explain. I like it though. I feel light. Is that possible? To feel light? I'm positive I did not lose any weight over night! LOL

Well.......Whatever the reason, or the feeling, I hope it holds. I haven't felt this 'free' in a long time. Perhaps it is the thought of not having any distractions, not having to make any decisions, not having to worry about anything. I have been doing a lot of that lately. Trying to control everything. Not Letting goD, is very exhausting. I like this feeling, so I'm going to have to try and "let go" more often.

I'll be back in 11 days. Who knows? I may even blog while I'm there. Unlikely, but I've learned to never say never.
Adios!(practicing my Spanish)teehee!

the changes that come

I've changed. We all have. It's life. It continues to happen, always. Sometimes change is slow, and sometimes quick. Change is constant, though. Don't be fooled.

I grew up in modest conditions, raised by a single mother. We didn't have much. Now I live with my family of 5 and we do not want or need for anything. Blessed

I used to "hang out" in a biker bar, in my early teens and 20's. My latest outing was with a bunch of wonderful women, at the local Arts Academy, drinking wine and eating cheese. Both equally enjoyable.

I have no regrets about my life. I look back and can GO back with ease. I do not shun my old life, nor the people in it. The present and the past have made me who I am today. And I love that.


Today I am not just Erin. I have many sides. I'm still forever changing!!!!!!!

I can be the girly girl. High heels, fashion magazines, flirty skirts, make-up and pedicures. As a kid I was very much a tomboy. I'm also the girl who likes to ride my bike 'till I'm a sweaty mess and have mud stream up my back and in my face.I like hiking in the mountains, sitting on the side of a cliff with nothing more than a bottle of wine, some cheese and some bread.  I like to watch romantic comedies, (sucker for a chick flick), but I like foreign films and documentaries, too! I'm a stay at home mom, but have enjoyed 'clubbing' in New York City with my girlfriends. I enjoy my family vacations, experiencing and showing my children new things. I also look forward to my solitary trips, where I can do as I please. I like to read about spirituality,religion and God. I also like to read about sexuality, mental illness, and deviant behaviors. I can speak French, fairly fluently. (that's slipping because I have nowhere to practice it) I used to be deathly afraid of birds. I now enjoy watching them and even admire them. I find them majestic. (I still don't need to touch them though) I never wanted a tattoo. I have been quoted as saying 'never' many times on this subject. I now have 3 of them, with plans of another. I'm forever changing, sometimes daily! Don't try to figure me out. I'm having a hard enough time, and I'm ME!

Sometimes we change, because we feel, that is what is required of us. Consciously or sub-consciously. Sometimes we change because it's just a natural progression. Growing and finding out what makes our hearts sing. Even with THIS change, some people fight against it. Change can be scary. Let's admit it, it can be downright terrifying. But following your heart, listening to your soul, has become my passion lately. I can't deny what I'm feeling. Sometimes I would like to, but it always creeps back. I suppose many will do this their entire lives. Push down the thoughts, the desires, the yearning of what is truly YOU. It's not always compatible with what IS. Sometimes we choose what we feel is right, instead of what is true. There IS a difference.

I want. I want different things. What used to fill my day, and please me to no end, has lost a bit of its charm. My kids were my whole life. They needed me. I changed their diapers, made them each and every meal and snack, put them down for a nap, read to them, played with them. I puttered around the house, rearranging furniture, cleaning, trying new recipes, and I was happy! Truly happy. Now before you all start freaking out, and saying "but your kids still need you!"; I am very well aware of this. This still involves them! And don't get me wrong.....These things still bring me joy.(no more diapers though) but, it's just not enough, anymore.It doesn't "fill me up" the way it used to. Maybe it's partly because of my age, maybe it's due to the independence of my children. Maybe it just, is what it is? Whatever the reason, I want more, and I want different. I need it.

I was happy to be at home with my kids all day. Now I want a job. I envision a book store for some reason. I want to ride my bike by the ocean. I want to collect enough sea glass to fill jars and jars that will line my window sill. I want to be a big sister.(I do have 2 younger brothers, but that's not what I mean!) I want to help with large fundraising events. I want to meet someone new, every day. I want to pause in a dingy bar and have a beer on a whim. I want to meet friends for coffee at our favorite spot. I want to go to the movies on a regular basis. I LOVE movies in the theater. I want to practice my French with someone! I want a little anonymity. I want more amenities.

Of all the things I want for me, I also want for my kids, and MORE! I want them to join clubs that interest them. I want them to be comfortable out of their comfort zone. I want them to have independence, and confidence. I want them to experience volunteering and helping. I want them to be adaptable to change. I want them to be have a bigger life. Not necessarily more stuff. Just more experiences. That's hard to do here in this small town. With kids who are not interested in the "normal" activities offered in a small town, it's difficult to keep them entertained and well rounded.

I realize just wanting something, doesn't make it so. I'm working towards this end and the road is FULL of obstacles. Just when I think I'm making some headway, another road block is thrown in my path and I'm crushed again. I wondered when it was the right time to quit. When do I say "enough is enough"? The same day I was thinking this.... THIS blog link showed up on my twitter feed. "When should you quit your dream?" So speaking to me! Another quote on my twitter feed that leapt off my tiny little screen was this:

" We cannot become what we need to be, by remaining what we are." ~ Max DePree


And so I don't give up. My dream goes on. It HAS to. I have more to offer. I have more to do. I have more to be.

So when I'm having my struggles and I'm blogging about how things are not going in the right direction; THIS is the direction I'm talking about. This is what's inside me and needs to come out.

Having said all that, I'm now off on a vacation for 10 days. I appreciate the opportunity and have a great amount of gratitude for this luxury. I'm not a complete selfish bitch.  I will spend the next 10 days, NOT thinking about the rest of my life. Not thinking about what needs to get done. Not thinking about getting older and time slipping away. Not thinking.

I'll pick up where I left off when I get back! thanks again for letting me vent!(like you have a choice! ha)

It needs more time

I have a post. It's still in my brain. well actually a little of it spilled over onto some paper, but most of it is still in my brain. I'm not quite ready to start writing it on the computer yet. It's a work in progress. I probably shouldn't say anything, because saying so, just makes it sound like it's going to be epic! I don't know that it won't be, but, I wouldn't want to set it up to fail. ;P

It's been lurking in my brain for some time. Tonight I felt compelled to write some of it down. Not that I would forget, but, more of an organization of thoughts.

I'm writing THIS post but I just can't seem to bring myself to start the other. You know when it's going to take a lot of concentration, and you know you just can't muster enough of it? That's how I'm feeling. But I felt I should write something because it's been quite a while. I guess I also wanted to say "hello" and I'm still here.

I know I'm not obligated to write. My writing is more for me. than anyone else. But for my own satisfaction, I had to post something. So this is what you get. An explanation! Exciting, I know! It WILL get better! 

birthday giveaway!

No it's not my birthday. But it is my friend's birthday. She's 30 and she's giving stuff away. Go check out her blog HERE. You could win some fabulous prizes!

Krista

The wife of a very talented musician who takes me around the world in pursuit of excellence, the mother of two amazing children, one of which happens to have Down Syndrome, and an aspiring disciple of Jesus, defender of the opressed, photographer and domestic diva.

I'm inspired by her generosity.One of my new year's resolutions was to help others on a weekly basis. You can read about it here. To actually go out of my way to help. I'm happy to say that, so far, I have been successful each and every week. I'm looking forward to my trip to Mexico, coming up. I can't wait to see what kind of love I can spread there. And I'm also doing a road trip in April, by myself. So much I can do on that week. SO much!

Do you see how much joy that brings? Just thinking of my future "giving" is making me happy. On Krista's birthday, she is giving! And that is receiving for her! Follow along, people! To give, is to receive. Pay it forward.

I hope you find a way to do that today, and every day. Can you imagine how different the world would be, if we ALL did that?????

Road trip approaches

I'm still planning my road trip. For those of you wondering what I'm talking about, you can read about it here. I've had a few ideas of places I wanted to visit. As I mentioned it the other day to someone, I realized how close it is. I'm really getting excited.

On my list is : Kamloops, White Rock, Lilly Point, Seattle, Butchart Gardens and possibly Lynn Canyon
Of course there will be many points in between and on the way home, but so far these, are a must.

My mind is whirring with ideas of what to bring, what I want to experience, what I want to eat, all the firsts I will accomplish, and how much planning I want to do ahead of time. I mean the whole point is to "wing it", be free, make decisions on the fly.But I certainly don't want to miss any of my MUSTS, because I spent too much time in a one place or another. It's only a week, and I know it will fly by.

The excitement hadn't really hit me, until yesterday.A  friend told me of a place called Lilly Point, and posted a picture, I thought..." I can go there!" I can go wherever I want. Hello! Light bulb!

Of course all this excitement is not overshadowing the nervousness I'm also experiencing. I've never gone anywhere for a week by myself. I don't think I've ever stayed home for a week by myself either. I mean I will see friends along the way, but essentially I'm on my own. Just typing that, excites me. I LOVE firsts. Makes me feel alive. I'm looking forward to talking with people, hearing their stories, seeing new things, trying new food, overcoming a few fears, and generally fending for myself.  I'll have my phone with me, so I'll always be in touch, when I want to, or feel I have to. I'm sure my family will want me to check in, every once in a while. I know my kids will miss me and want to say hello now and again.

You can bet my stereo will be getting a work out on this trip too. Can't have a road trip without tunes. Songs to sing loudly with, songs for just listening, songs for crying to, and of course songs for drumming on the steering wheel. THAT I will plan ahead!

So you see the area I'm headed. Do you have any ideas for me? Places to visit, places to eat, places to sleep? I welcome your suggestions.

so many words, so many tests

I wrote a post quite a while ago, that you can check out HERE, called" Do you trust your own self?". I'm right back there. I thought I had moved on, but clearly I was mistaken. I'm a lover of words. They are so powerful. I really do love them. Lately they've been confusing me. I've been listening to them all and I'm not sure which ones are intended for me.

Bloom where you're planted. You can't always get what you want. Be grateful for what you have. Enjoy today, for there might not be a tomorrow. Look at what's in front of you. Don't be selfish. If you were meant to be somewhere else, doing something else, that's where you would be. Don't be greedy. Life is hard. Accept what you have.Make lemons out of lemonade.The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Make your decisions carefully. Don't do something you'll regret. There's something to be said for routine.

On the days when I feel I'm getting ahead of myself, I tend to see a quote similar to those. Or I'll hear it from somebody. That's when the doubt seeps in. The fear (four letter word). Maybe I should listen. Maybe I should pay attention. Then I think, what about all the other words?........

Don't settle, it's your life too. Follow your heart and do what's right for you. Let your dreams be bigger than your fear. Live your best life. God helps those who help themselves. Be the change you want to see in others. Fight for your dreams. Go big or go home. If it scares you, then do it! Life needs more experiences, not more things. The time is NOW. I don't want to be the 95 year old who says on their death bed "I should have......."!

So many words. so much conflicting thoughts. I really don't trust myself anymore. I'm tired of spinning my wheels. Am I just impatient or is this a sign that I'm on the wrong path? Should I change course? How much compromise is giving up? I'm unsure. Unsure of even the thoughts in my head. I'm trying to follow my heart. that which makes it soar. But when I'm knocked down at every turn, I wonder if it's a test, or the proverbial brick to the head ,saying 'knock it off!" It's not just the day. It's the week, it's the months, it's really been the years. I just don't know anymore.

Love language

Valentine's Day has come and gone for another year. I have never analyzed the day as much as I have this year. I've always loved the day. Sure we have the entire year to show our love. Many do.(show their love, I mean) Some need the day. Others could care less. None of them are wrong.

All of our love languages are different. What you need is not necessarily what I need. Hopefully your love language is the same or complimentary to the ones you're with. And I say oneS, because this day is not just for the lovers, but for all of those you love.

awwwwwwwww!

I know of a couple who donated blood together. I know of another couple who ignored it altogether. I know of another couple who decided against gifts,due to lack of money. He broke the pact and purchased a gift for her anyway. HIS love language. I know of a mom who left treat bags out for her kids in the morning. I know of another who incorporated red and hearts into every meal throughout the day, including the beverages! (she ROCKS) I know of another couple who celebrated in grand style. Singing throughout the day, straightening his wife's hair, dinner and music. All followed by a passionate night, no doubt. *wink wink*

she also blogs. check it out HERE

frittatas and toast

While these days are all different, they are all wonderfully accepted. We all have different needs and expectations and as long as yours are being met, there shouldn't be a problem. The only problem I have is, with the negativeness that some bring. It's a day of love. How can anything be wrong with that? We should actually have more days like that. If you think it's a big commercial holiday, then don't buy anything. Show your love in other ways. If you don't want to recognize it, that's fine. But there is no need to bash it. No need to throw our your negative comments. Is this an attempt to tell others how foolish they are being. An attempt to show that you are above all of this? I realize some are affected by the pressure of it all. But it's so easy to show love, that I sometimes think that it's a cop out to call it a commercial holiday, and that's why you're not participating. Your loved ones are worth more than that. Cut out a heart and write "I love you" on it. Home made Valentines have always been the BEST! At least they are, with me.

I have to admit that a few of the 'nay sayers' were getting me down yesterday. I was starting to fall into the "this is a fake holiday" mood.  I'm glad to say that the love won out and it was palpable throughout the night as   all the 'social media outlets', filled me in on the days events for others. We need more love in this world. If one day a year is devoted entirely to this, then I am a fan. I will do better next year. In my defense, I WAS busy with trying to get out my Valentine letter (ex-Christmas letter), and we just got home from California a couple of days before the day. There is always next year. Always.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the day and what you did. Leave a comment, would ya? If you have the time, watch the video at the bottom of the page! Have a love filled day! :)

Back to the ocean

We leave early in the morning. Another trip to California. Another trip to the ocean. I am blessed and thankful. The wee hours will come soon but I'm not sleepy. So here I sit typing out a post,trying to make myself tired enough to sleep.

The kids are over the moon excited. We will do 3 days of Disneyland. We've been before,so they are trying to remember the things they want to see and do again. The last time we were in California we rented a place by the ocean, owned by some wonderful people. We became friends and we have kept in touch ever since. They will be first on our list to visit. I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm looking forward to the warmth, the ocean, the sand in between my toes. The down time, the relaxation, the time to dream. Gazing at the ocean and listening to the waves.

And of course the Disney time too....... The smiles on my kids' faces. Their excitement is contagious. The wonder in their eyes is priceless. I'll treasure that. And try to keep up.......LOL

Well I guess that's it for now. I should at least TRY to sleep.

two nights in a row

Last night before bed, I read THIS blog. It was just what I needed to hear.(read) I remarked that it was funny how just what you need, seems to pop into your life.Tonight I'm tired, feeling a little defeated. I'm listening to some music and checking out some blogs. Someone happened to post today that they quite often do not comment on comments. That is: REPLY to a comment already made. She wondered if we went back to see if there was a reply. I usually don't. I comment and leave it at that. The post I read last night was good. I really enjoyed it. So I DID go back and see if there were any comments left by the author. I was so glad I did. It made my night. She was full of compliments and it made me smile. I'm so grateful for that. I didn't think I had it in me tonight! ~ Just what I needed!~ thank you KMarie!

Still working on it!

the promised and forgotten post

Ok! I didn't really forget that I said I would post after the weekend. I thought about it, and just didn't know what to say. Not that I didn't have a good weekend ~ I did! I loved every bit of it! Except the parts I don't remember. (That's another story). I couldn't focus. (what else is new?) I was reading other blogs and feeling quite inadequate about what I was going to write.

But I'm here now. And so I write........

The weekend in Vancouver actually turned out to be more of a weekend in White Rock. We spent most of our time with dear friends who left our small town this summer, to move to BC. We walked along the beach, gathered sea glass, went for coffee, enjoyed the rain (well, I did) , went for supper, drinks, some Jazz and more coffee. Overall it was a fabulous weekend. I didn't want to leave. "Can we not just send for our kids?" Alas, we had to come home. I'm already dreaming of the ocean and when I will be back.

 I found that I missed something else. I love people. I love strangers. I love passing people and wondering what their story is. Smiling at them, and hoping that my smile warms them just a little. I miss the variety. The orange and yellow and blue hair, with gigantic black heeled boots. The elderly, who clutch each other as they walk to their corner store in the big city. The children who walk with confidence and speed. And yes, even the down and out, who stand with their signs by the grocery store. I connect with their eyes. It moves me. I long to have all these things, including the water, in my daily life.


Today, I focus on today. Any requests, or desires I have, I know have already been answered. I need only wait. I need only to "let go, let God!" It's a daily message I need to remind myself of. My impatience is getting to me. This was on my news feed today on fb.

 I'm living that today! Tomorrow is another story! HA!

welling up inside.....postponed

I had a post welling up inside me today. I thought about it all morning. I was gonna let it out and then....... I got side tracked.I saw some pictures of myself  and was discouraged by the return of my belly. I worked so hard to get rid of that stupid thing and then there it was ....again! Frustrated, I posted on my status that I was really missing my bike. You know when you find something that works for you, you gotta just go with it! So my husband calls and says "why don't you go get some studded tires for your bike?" Well duh! Why don't I? So I did.

It doesn't look like much here, but trust me; those little studs grip the road like nothing else. I love it. It was quite chilly going down town; but coming back was nice. A short ride. Made my day.

So needless to say....the post I had planned to write, never got written. It's still in my brain and I plan on getting it out eventually. Tonight, however, I am so tired and tomorrow...........I leave for Vancouver for the weekend~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOT! I'm super excited about that. I'm going to kiss the ocean. Feel the salt on my lips! So upon my return, I will do the post I had planned for today.

Something tells me, I will have a lot more to write about when I get back too!  Have a great weekend everyone!

just keep moving

I attended a class recently. An exercise class. I attend 2 that are zumba/step and then the other is just step class with a few intervals tossed in, to work a little harder. A new class has been introduced and it's a little more "hard core". I've never  been to it before and I went recently. It was REALLY HARD!!!!!!! I enjoy doing things in a class setting because it motivates me. I don't want to be the one who quits. It forces me to push myself a little harder. I think I pushed too much. There's something to be said for knowing your limitations.

Anyway..... for the past few days I have been sore. REALLY sore. As I attempt the stairs, up or down, I feel all my muscles screaming at me. It's not painful, per se, but more of an ache. A reminder. The longer I sit, the more I seized up. I kept telling myself all day "just keep moving". I felt much like Dori in 'Finding Nemo' ~ "just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"(said in a sing song voice)

All this encouraging throughout the day, caused my thinking to stray. I had a very 'relaxed' day. Ok that's a lie. I had a very lazy day. I lacked the motivation to do anything. I need things to happen. I want things to happen. Now. I'm impatient. When confronted with the nothingness, I sometimes paralyze myself. As if  the only thing I can do is sit and wait. Aching today reminded me to just keep moving............ in my LIFE. 

I'm pissy that I can't ride my bike. It's been my "go to" thing that has kept me busy. When I was bored, I simply, went. I fell in love with it this summer and haven't replaced it with anything. That's no excuse for my sedentary attitude. Neither is this crappy cold weather. I did a lot this summer and I made things happen. I feel that I've lost some of that. I need to get it back. I need to, DO! I need to just keep moving, in all aspects of my life. It will all fall together eventually. I can just sit and wait. Life goes on, no matter what. JUST KEEP MOVING!!! Lesson learned, and tomorrow will be different. No, really!

The truest form of flattery

This blog was introduced to me yesterday. I love it already. The very first post I read was "the kind of woman I want to be" So inspiring and so like me! I decided I was going to copy and do the same. It is a list of sorts. I've done those. But this is different, in that, a list is: what is. This post is: what I wish to become.


The kind of woman I want to be:


I want to be the woman who is always relaxed and content with herself.
I want to move slowly through my day, enjoying what is.
I want to have at least a 15 minutes a day at the water.

I want to plant a garden and eat it! All of it!
I want to be the woman who still writes letters.

I want to be the friend you call when you need.
I want a ton of light in my house so it always feels full and alive.
I want to walk in the rain with nowhere to go.

I want to just live and not worry about my weight.
I want to love openly with lust.
I want to be independent and in control of my life's decisions.
I want to wear sexy boots and flowing blouses with my hair down and not get asked "How come you're so dressed up?"
I want to wear flirty skirts and flat shoes with my hair up.
I want to find something that I love to do and do it well. (still searching)
I want to smile daily and KNOW that I'm exactly where I should be.

I want to be, me! The REAL me!

 I suppose that's good for a start. One day at a time! I would love to see who you would like to be!